Bachelor in Paradise: Meet the Cast!

Hey you.

Before the season is officially underway, let's briefly revisit each of the contestants appearing on this season.

The Guys

Marcus (Andi's season)- Marcus was the guy sent home after the hometown dates. He told Andi he was falling in love their first date and actually fell hard by their second. He was also a little obsessively attached to Andi and to stripping.

Ben (Des' season)- He was painted as the villain on Des' season, when all he did was try to steal her away even when he *gasp* HAD A ROSE. He also wore that horrendous black tank, but all in all, Ben was focused on his relationship with Des and I certainly didn't see anything wrong with that. He was one of the only 3 guys I liked on Des' season, including Chris and Juan Pablo (this changed drastically).

Dylan (Andi's season): Dylan was sent home on Andi's season right before hometowns. He's a stellar guy who has a tragic past, but he's gotten through the worst and he's also very attractive so he should have no problem finding himself a girl. I really liked him last season and am looking forward to more of his humorous side this season.

Robert: (Des' season): This guy claimed that he invented "sign spinning." What? That's about all I remember from him.

Graham (DeAnna's season): You probably don't remember him from his season, because that was a generation ago. But he also appeared on BachPad 2, and ended up going to the finals with Michelle Money. He's a total gentleman and looks better at 35 than most guys do at 20.

Marquel (Andi's season): Cookie monster Marquel won over the hearts of Bachelor Nation by just oozing of class and humor. Nobody can say anything negative about Marquel. At all. No seriously.

The Girls

Michelle (???): Honestly I don't know anything about this chick other than the fact that this crazy bitch locked my precious Tenley in a bathroom and yelled at her until she cried. So like, back the fuck off.

AshLee (Sean's season): She fell madly in love with Sean and planned their entire life together. She was sent home during the fantasy suite episode, probably because she told Sean her finger measurements for a ring. I generally liked AshLee, and was glad when she stood up for herself after Sean let her go. But she gets kind of aggressive and a little bit obsessive, so we'll see how Bachelor in Paradise bodes for her.

Daniella (Sean's season): Drunk and fun. Got a group date rose at some point, if I remember correctly. I loved me some Daniella commentary.

Lacy (Juan Pablo's season, apparently): ???

Clare (Juan Pablo's season): Clare got silver on Juan Pablo's season, but she took quite a beating from the viewers (me included) for her whiny tendencies and ignorance to how the Pabs was taking advantage of her. I had a sour taste for Clare all season but upon re-evaluation, she didn't seem all that terrible. Certainly not Tierrable. Also, she redeemed herself in the verbal beating she offered Juan Pablo after he didn't pick her and then when she, filled with class, refused to meet him at the ATFR. Good on ya.

Sarah (Sean's season): Sweet Sarah received the first date on Sean's season. Her story of living life with only one arm touched the hearts of America, and from what I can gather, she was in the running for being the Bachelorette after his season, but they went with Des instead. 

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NEW ARRIVALS SPOILER ALERT! New contestants arriving each week.

Chris (Emily's season): This guy is a Bachelor-cam whore. He made it to top 4 on Emily's season, cried a lot after his elimination, and left in everyone's good graces. Then, he appeared on BachPad 3 and totally screwed his image over by trying to juggle three women and suggesting that women were like cars. THEN, he appeared on Andi's season but she wouldn't let him through the gate. Finally, he'll be on this show. And maybe more to come from future franchise shows.

Michelle Money (Brad's second season): Money money money MONAAAY. Painted as the villain on her season, Michelle is undoubtedly one of the hottest girls to have ever graced Bachelor Nation's TV screens. The girl is drop dead gorgeous. She's also intelligent, well spoken and has a kind heart. All around, she's a blessing upon this franchise. She also reached the finals of BachPad 2 with Graham (which was one of the most solid partnerships that formed in the three BachPad seasons). Also, rest of the cast LOVES her, and rightfully so.

Beefcake Cody (Andi's season): Ya'll know my distaste for him. I really dislike Cody. A lot. And he's really freaking orange. And whiny. Just, ugh. And based on the previews, Michelle ends up smacking on him, which is just gross, because I actually love Michelle.

Kalon (Emily's season): KALON. Another "villain" that I LOVE. Kalon is too intelligent for this franchise. He was kicked out by Emily after he called her daughter "baggage." While mean, that statement is a 100 percent true. A child is baggage to anyone that's going to date you. It's the truth. Then, he came on BachPad 3 and fell in love with Lindzi from Ben's season. From what I gather, they are no longer together but are great friends, so good for them. Also, Kalon's commentary is frigging hilarious.

Danielle (Juan Pablo's season): The black chick that never spoke. But her Twitter is pretty funny, so maybe she'll bring some of that spunk to this show, and not leave her personality at home like last time.

Jackie (Sean's season): Jackie was one of my favorites on Sean's season, though she had absolutely no chemistry with him. She went home after Tierrable threatened Sean into giving her the two-on-one date. Jackie is friends with most of her cast, and is funny and beautiful. I have high hopes for her stint on this show.

Brooks (Des' season): This sucker cried and cried and made Des cry and CRY when he dumped her ass after he was in the top 3 because he wasn't "feeling that extraordinary love." What a tool. Kidding. I kind of (?) liked him. We shall see where Paradise takes him.

Christy (Juan Pablo's season): ???

Kovacs (Jillian's season): You do not remember him from Jillian's season because let's be honest, who even watched Jillian's season? She was a terrible Bachelorette (well better than DeAnna, but that's not saying much). However, you do remember him from BachPad 1, where he, for what reason Lord only knows, paired up with crazy, controlling, obsessive Elizabeth. They didn't win. Because she was crazy. And a bitch. And tried to use her body to enrapture men. She was psychotic. Poor bastard had to deal with that. Sorry dude.

Lucy (Juan Pablo's season): Free spirit Lucy kind of made an impression by always getting naked. Also, her profession is "free spirit," so that's interesting. She's actually pretty funny, but craves attention in unhealthy levels.

Tasos (Andi's season): This guy actually got dumped BEFORE Andrick and Orange Beefcake Cody. Andi was clearly not in her right mind. Anyways, he's nice, his piercings are fucking weird, and I don't know what else to say about him.

Zack (Des' season, apparently): Who? Serious, have I seen this guy before? ABC says he was on Des' season. Okay sure.

Okay so that's it. Whew that's a lot of freaking people. I'm looking forward to this. See you after the first episode airs!

I'm Wahid,

And you're better off for having such an organized list

Bachelorette Andi: Afterthoughts

Hey you,

I know I haven't posted at all and before ya'll think I'm not cut out for the blogosphere, let me let you know that I just enderwent spine surgery so even though I watched the show in the conforts of my own home, I was not well enough to type up a 3+hour blog post. So I chose to do this instead. Even though I haven't blogged nearly enough, readers probably know that I hate play by plays, so this works out well.

Let's get started.

The Nick Situation

If you guessed that Nick's behavior on the ATFR totally turned me away from being a fan and a supporter, you're completely and absolutely incorrect.

I pretty much gave him a standing ovation for calling Andi out like that. Was it the classiest thing he could've done? Probably not. But did he really do anything wrong? Nope. She fucked him. Let's call a spade a spade. He let her know that sex was extremely important to him, and she said "yes I understand let's fuck." Why on earth is he not allowed to bring that up? Why does that make him the villain? Two people had sex in that room, and both have an equal right on deciding what happens with that information. It's not like any of us don't KNOW what happens in the fantasy suite, and Nick just vocalized it. Also, he seeked her out in private, twice. She wanted to have the discussion in front of the cameras, and that's what happened. That was on her.

On to the heartbreak. He wasn't stalking her. She did not give him enough justification as to why he was being let go. He felt led on. Everybody that watched this show knows that Andi felt something special for Nick. The words she used to describe him, the way she looked at him, it's all on tape. There's PHYSICAL EVIDENCE of her feelings, people. And then the coldness during ATFR was just the icing on the cake to push him over the edge.

Here's my best guess at what happened: Andi saw the taping and was freaked that Josh's roid rage would come out because he'd see how into Nick she was. So her response was to back track, and make it seem like she wasn't actually ever that into Nick, she was just doing it for the cameras. 

Andi as Bachelorette

Despite my ragging on her the past few paragraphs, I still stand by my statement that Andi is the best bachelorette in the franchise so far. I think her reasons for dismissing people are a little misguided (more on that later) and I think she was a complete wuss with the Nick situation, but she was also quite composed and wasn't afraid to show her real emotions as opposed to acting like a perfect puppet for the sake of the producers. 

Also, though I bagged on Josh a LOT in my spare time, if you look at their off-screen interviews (without the Bachelor crew and stuff), it's OBVIOUS why she picked Josh. They have mad chemistry, and he's actually quite funny and definitely not as self-absorbed as the show portrayed him to be. When will the Bachelor people realize that showing the guys for who they are is probably going to score them more points with the audience?

Departures

Andi let Eric go because they don't see eye to eye and the relationship wouldn't be going anywhere. Problem. She dumped Juan Pablo because he wouldn't hear anything bad about himself and was self absorbed and she went against the grain. But then, that's what Eric did too! He went against the grain and told her what he was feeling (I didn't agree with him, but point remains), and then she let him go.

She told Marcus she didn't see a foundation with him. Things you look for in a foundation for a relationship: Time- Marcus was one of her first dates, therefore getting a longer time distance than most. Money and Job- He's rich and has a good job. Family- they are supportive. Physical Attraction- He's hot. So, what more is needed in a FOUNDATION? She could've said, "I just don't feel the sparks" or "I just connect more with the others" or some other bullshit like that. But her excuse? Crap.

Nick. I've already said a lot about this, but to reiterate. She led him on big time. I haven't seen one like this in a long while. I think Arie was the last that was led on this major. Well, maybe Chantal by Brad. MAYBE. And then, her cold attitude and telling him that he actually never crossed her mind? I call BS.

Bachelor in Paradise

You can bet your ass I will be reviewing this show. That's all I will say. Oh wait, no. KALON. I'M SAVED. He'll be back on my screen again and his personality will make up for all the other cast mates that have the personalities of trash cans. Yeah, I'm real excited for Kalon.

Next Bachelor

I've thrown in all my chips for Arie. I'm campaigning hard. The dude clearly deserves it; he's humorous, confident, doesn't spew out bullshit from his mouth and can form cohesive thoughts without getting carried away into tangents or meaningless metaphors. Please, powers that be. I wanted him when they chose Sean and I want him to be it now. Make it happen.

That's about all I have to say. I enjoyed watching this season and even though couldn't see it through with the blogging, it was fun writing up whatever I did, and thanks for reading. I will be back for BiP and also for the next season (Arie's season, hopefully) of the Bachelorette.

Until then,

I'm Wahid,

And may Josh and Andi find love and happiness

Andi Week 7: For the Love of Nick- Part II

I hate all of you so you don't get a hey you. Honestly what is wrong with these fans? Why can we all NEVER appreciate honesty and why must we always fall for production's "villain" edit?

I guess I have to address all parts of the episode before I go on my rant against basically every guy that isn't Dylan or Nick.

Belgium

They're in Brussels this week and there are a lot of "mussles in Brussels" jokes and stuff about waffles and shit. Week before hometowns so everything is really tense and serious.

Also, is that Josh in a... hoodie... with nothing... underneath? I take it back ya'll. He is totally a sleezeball like everyone predicted he was. I was wrong.

Marcus Date

This was so mind-numbingly boring to watch. They tasted chocolates. or was that Josh? Who the fuck cares? He said he was falling in love with her for the 500th time in 5 weeks and they kissed noisily.

Andi was, very characteristically, suspicious about why Marcus wanted to leave in the beginning. Marcus, who didn't want her to think that he wasn't interested, told her this instead: "I was so scared about how intense my feelings were that I was ready to leave". What is that even supposed to mean? He loves her so so much in two weeks that he wanted to runaway from her. That's fucking endearing.

I write this next part only because I'm required to, as a blogger, educate you with a play by play. I have absolutely zero interest in Marcus whatsoever. Andi grills him on what life at home will be like, where he reveals that his father is no longer in the family picture. Growing up was hard (a prerequisite for applying at casting) because his mother used to physically abuse him. He used to have a rocky relationship with her in the past but now that he's grown up and rich it's all good.

You know he basically seals a hometown date, but she does push him against a fence or something and makes out with him, in case he wasn't sure that he sealed a hometown date. Also, did Marcus mention that he loves her? Because he did it again. Oh and probably once more, just to be sure.

Nick Faux-Date

The guys find out that the next one-on-one is scheduled for Josh, and we all know how much Nick dreads group dates. Nonetheless, he must sit through one last excruciating task before all his future dates are only with Andi and not 3 other dudes that don't have a chance with her. But he decides that he wants a one-on-one, regardless of whether or not Andi wants to give it to him.

It would be so nice and simple if we could just have him knocking at her door without the acting of the front desk lady breaching every security rule to have ever existed on hotels. I'll let go of the "should've been fired" jokes because everybody has already done that countless times.

Andi is shocked that he's there but she more than wants him there and tells him she's going to change out of her dress that was reserved for a Chris date into something more casual so they can go for a stroll in the Belgian waffles. I mean streets. What.

OKAY HERE'S WHERE I START MY DEFENSE OF NICK. In her latest blog post, Sharleen Joynt (one of my all time favorite Bachelor contestants) correctly named Nick the "accidental villain." I'm pretty sure no one can actually point out even one instance in which something Nick has done has been wrong. 

"He stole her away even when he had the rose!" So? Why should he give a shit if the other guys don't get to spend time with her? Is he trying to get married to Andi and all the other guys? Isn't his game plan to end up with the girl, and not watch one of the other guys walk away with her hand? 

"He thinks he's definitely going to win and that's not a sexy look!" Why? Confidence is a bad thing because...? Again, his end goal is to end up with the girl. He's there for Andi. He's made it plenty clear he's there for Andi. He has friends back home, a loving family to go back to and a good stable job. He, pardon my borrowing of the title of Courtney Robertson's tell-all, didn't come here to make friends. He came here to get the girl, and every moment he gets to spend with her is a moment he should take advantage of. 

"He walked away when Marcus was talking about his one-on-one!" Why would anyone want to sit in a room and discuss another person's date with the person that they themselves are falling in love with? Really ask yourself, would you ever sit through a conversation with a person who is describing how dating your girlfriend is the best thing ever? It's good to be possessive, especially this late in the game.

When Andi asks Nick what exactly he means when he says that the feelings he feels are "insane," Nick replies that he thinks it's insane how he looks at her and says things to himself like "I want to propose to this girl." That is exactly the kind of healthy thoughts these contestants should be expressing. Not Josh's "I don't want you to spend time with the other guys," but instead focusing on their own relationship with the girl and how far they see it realistically progressing. When Josh says his I love you, it seems forced and required of him. When Nick says it, it seems natural and something that he's actually provided constructive thought to. 

There's not much more I can say without sounding like a broken record, but I'll do more of that in the upcoming sections.

Josh Date

Mind-numbingly boring date part 2. I don't even want to comment on this. Fuck blogger responsibilities.

Group Date

Andi takes the remaining guys to a monastery. On their way there, the boys are forced to ride a four man bicycle type thing. They decide to play a rhyme game, and Dylan comes up with the golden line: "I wish I had some car keys." Why don't they display this side of Dylan more? he's normal, doesn't bitch and is funny. What else do you want producers? Make him the next Bachelor and not Farmer or Marcus, I beg.

The Farmer throws back to Ghost when him and Andi get a little mini one-on-one sesh while the other guys are left to sit in agony waiting for them to get back. The monastery has a few rules, like NO KISSING, but Andi doesn't give a fuck and kisses Chris all over. I didn't think the date was sexy at all but that's because there's absolutely no chemistry between Andi and Chris in the first place.

When it's Nick's turn to talk to Andi, Farmer and Coach start the bitchfest that continues into the depths of the night. They talk about how Nick always mentions strategy, how he isn't real with Andi and how he isn't real with them, how he hates group dates and basically any accusation they can try to throw at the wall and see if any of them stick. None of them do.

Nick gets the group date rose which means some more time with Andi. Nothing to really report there. He is genuine, believes that Andi has feelings for him and will not back down or believe otherwise. He's confident in their connection and knows that she loves him back but just can't say it to him yet. The eventual heartbreak that is coming for him will have me in tears no doubt.

Honestly, the guys are much more salty and bitchy than the girls in these shows. They are literally all sitting in a circle and bitching about Nick while he is with Andi on their alone time. Everyone except Dylan, of course, because he is human and doesn't have time to sit and bitch about another guy for an hour for the cameras.

When Nick walks back in, the silence is awkward as can be. UNTIL, Farmer decides to SAVE THE DAY and finally confront Nick.

Farmer: All you do is talk strategy and no one likes you!
Nick: Can you give me an example?
Farmer: Like, we'll all be sitting and all you want to do is talk about strategy.
Nick: Can you please give me an example so I can have a discussion with you?
Farmer: NO BECAUSE I HONESTLY TRY TO SHUT YOU OUT WHEN YOU'RE TALKING ALL THIS STRATEGY ABOUT WHO'S GONNA GET THE NEXT ONE ON ONE AND STUFF. (How he knows what Nick is talking about if he zones out I don't know.)

Coach decides to chirp in with how Nick knows EVERYTHING about previous Bachelor seasons when none of the other guys have even watched recent seasons of the show. We are all committing a grave sin by watching this show, ya'll.

(It's okay because the Coach and Nick patched things up and are very friendly on Twitter so I'm not hating on him all that much.)

Rose Ceremony

In a decision shocking to no one that has ever watched this show, Chris, Josh and Marcus get the other three roses. Both of the exists are gracious and I'm sure Dylan and Brian will find happiness because they seem like decent guys. Brian does get a little too worked up, but I'm willing to chalk that off to being in front of the cameras on reality TV.

Random Musings

The way Andi looks at Nick is only paralleled by the way Andi looks at Josh. They are final 2, no freaking doubt about it whatsoever. Ultimately though, Josh is the challenge, which is why Andi is going to pick him. I don't think it will work out.

Until next time, when Andi finds out that she has a future as a "homemaker" in an Iowan farm,

I'm Wahid,

And stop hating on Nick just stahhhhhp it

Andi Week 6: For the Love of Nick

Hey you,

I thought I'd get a blog post up, even though there's only two days left until the next episode. I have these issues with my spine and I just got a job so most of this week has been spent at the doctor's and I guess I'll get more used to the business as the summer progresses.

Disclaimer: this blog post is definitely not going to be as long as the other ones. Sorry. And the format wont be a play by play, but I'll categorize what I'm talking about.

Andi getting on my nerves

Okay I see it; Andi has begun getting on my nerves a little. Not nearly as much as the rest of #BachelorNation, but there are things about her that's begun to bother me. I still have the biggest crush on her, though. In particular, I hate how she reacted towards the Nick "situation," if you can call it that. Gurl, chill out. Nothing happened. Stop pretending like he's Tierra. He's not. Nobody is saying he is other than Cody, who, let's be honest, has fewer brain cells than Joan Rivers. 

#TeamNick

HOW CAN PEOPLE DISLIKE NICK. I like Nick more and more and more and I respect him so freaking much. If you want something a little more cohesive as to why Nick is so real and awesome and stuff, head over to All The Pretty Pandas, Sharleen Joynt's blog, where she goes in depth as to why Nick acts the way he does and why we should pay closer attention to the things he says and why he says them. He is great and you all suck I'm sorry. 

The fact that he stole her away first even with the rose is exactly what I would have done in that situation. He's trying to get her; he likes her, and he wants to take every opportunity to have her reciprocate that. In real life, you like a girl at the bar, do you wait until 7 other guys have had a shot at talking to her? You go up and offer your name up. That's how it works. And why should he have to care about what the other guys think? He has other friends back home. He doesn't need the bromance of these guys that's going after his girl.

Josh and why I hate him

There's a huge difference between the possessiveness of Nick and the possessiveness of Josh. Nick wants to spend time with Andi; Josh doesn't want Andi to spend time with the other guys. Herein lies a magnanimous defect of our society and how it works--- Josh, because he likes Andi, believes he has some sort of control or power over her, which is not and SHOULD not be the case. It's okay to tell her that it makes you uncomfortable seeing her with other guys. It is not okay to tell her that she shouldn't be talking to the other guys so much. You don't control her. I shall elaborate a little more on this as next episode airs. 

The other thing about the lie detector test: I totally get it, it is so uncomfortable to sit through that. BUT, Josh says something along the lines of "you can't do that to your partner of 30 years." If your partner of 30 years has any reason to believe that you're hiding something, damn right they have the right to put you through a lie detector test. If it is obsessive and something you must sit through every year, that's different. But, is it not your responsibility to try to dispel your partner's trust issues at least once or twice? Andi is completely justified in wondering whether Josh actually has something worth hiding. 

Cody

I hate him. I still hate the shit out of him. Bachelor Nation turned on him. Not me. Sorry. Just, the way he acted towards Nick is so off putting for me. Do you guys see what I'm "filling" right now? Seriously though, I reall "fill" very negatively about Cody. Almost to the extremes of how positively I "fill" about Andi. Honestly. Like, my "fillings" about this situation is real. It's real and I'll keep elaborating on that even if you're crying reading my blog post right now. And while I'm at it, I'll also read you a letter I wrote. It's about my "fillings" for Cody. They're negative.

The dread you felt reading that bit, is the dread I felt watching Cody's one on one. WHY DID HE GET A ONE ON ONE? I sent this text to my friend Serena while live tweeting the show---- "Andi is Oprah. 'you get a one on one' 'you get a one on one' 'everyone gets a one on one'." I'm so glad she didn't give him and his open-heart-surgery-ready V-neck a rose. So glad.

Some other thoughts

Things definitely happen to me when I see Andi in a black dress. And I express those feelings. And another text from Serena: "YOU GET STRAIGHTER EVERY TIME WE WATCH THIS SHOW" to my text that said "ANDI IN A BLACK DRESS HOLY FUCK." I actually "fill" very excited when that comes up on my screen.

Also I'm really happy that Dylan got one of the roses. Out of the the six guys, I like 3- Nick, Dylan and Brian. I wouldn't mind either of those being the next Bachelor. Marcus would be really boring as the Bachelor, but he's okay in general. Josh, who most likely will win, sucks ass and I have completely turned on him and they will not last and she shouldn't pick him. Chris is meh. Whatever.

JJ went home, and I guess we all knew that was coming at some point, right? He was a shit stirrer as I've said before and so I'm happy he's gone. Josh didn't deserve that rose.

Until next time,

I'm Wahid,

and you all suck for hating on Nick.

Andi Week 5: Marquel for Bachelor

Hey you,

First of all, I know this is super late and I would just like to say, don't get used to it. I'm almost always going to be posting Monday night/Tuesday morning. This week has just been busy, is all.

Secondly, I have the biggest crush on Andi, and that's maybe blinding me a little to any shortcomings she may have. Some Guy in Austin has mocked my claim that Andi is "most stunning Bachelorette of all time," but I still stand by it, and she grows more and more attractive to me every time she's on my screen. I'm actually kind of jealous of all the guys that get to make out with her. Okay, not kinda, a lot jealous.

Chat with Chris Harrison

Now let's get to the good stuff. At the beginning of the episode, Andi sits down with our host in a turtleneck and discusses, well, basically nothing. It's kind of filler. He does ask her if she's falling in love, to which her reply is, you guessed it, "STAAAAHHHHHP." Again, what may be getting annoying to the audience, I find endearing. It's also something that regular people say in their day-to-day life, so why does it bother viewers again?

Josh Date

Andi takes him to like... a fishing boat? I'm really confused as to why this is considered romantic at all? They stand on the edge for a while pretending to do... something, and then Andi tells Josh that there needs to be something beyond the physical connection. Of course, Josh's response to this is to make out with her some more. With these two, you can FEEL the sexual chemistry, but up to this date, I was unsure if they could be more. Now, I'm pretty sure that it will never get out of that sexual attraction. I like them together, and I don't think Josh is a sleaze like most people do, but I just don't see them being endgame. As in, he's not THE ONE for Andi, at least in my opinion.

Meanwhile, Dylan back home reads the date card, which is a block of white space followed by "<3 Andi." THE GUYS CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THE CARD IS BLANK AND THEY'RE FREAKING OUT, and JJ for some reason thinks there's something written in invisible ink and takes the date card away to his closet to inspect with his special "Pants with Blacklight Capabilities."

Andi and Josh go to picnic near some rocks, which, incidentally, are the perfect place to get to know one of your 11 potential husbands. They basically talk about nothing and make out some more, in typical Joshandi fashion. 

They go to a palace next and the producers obviously are spending more money on Josh than the other dudes because they have THREE places to go instead of the usual two. I see you producers. I see right through you (like Nick does Andi, but more on that later). In this palace, they finally have a semi-substantial conversation. Mostly, it's just Josh mumbling, but from what I gathered, Josh had been cheated on by a girl when he was in baseball, where he got his trust issues from. BUT, that was not the reason he hasn't dated for 5 years, because he had at least one more (probably hundreds more but who's counting) that he said he loved. But to Josh, that word isn't big enough, and he loved her, but not in the "I love you and want to marry you" way. But now, he wont say those words until he means that he wants to have a family, and he feels that Andi may be that girl for him.

Andi's words are obviously more clear and concise, in which she explains that while around all the other guys she helps them get their guards down, but around Josh her own guard is up. I think there's a definitive reason that this is, but Andi is ignoring the red flags and they may come back to bite her in the ass. She gives him the rose, and then they dance at a concert.

Let the records show, I have never, EVER, watched one of these private dance sequences. Just because the producers want us to gauge into their intimacy doesn'r mean I have to. That was a lot of writing dedicated to a date I was only semi-interested in.

Group Date

I'm going to do this in sub-sections because there is a lot I have to say about this group date.

MIMING
This was ridiculous, but I was glad the guys went with the flow. That being said, I think Andi was completely wrong to judge Nick for not being into it. I mean, why would you want a guy to be comfortable around your other suitors? That means he's okay with sharing you!! Guys like JJ are not right for you because there. is. no. jealousy!! GAH.

Marquel really impressed me. He was a really good sport, interacted with the crowd and all that good stuff. Marcus was a standout as well just because he wasn't being all goopy and was kind of normal.

JJ

Him and Andi are cute, but he annoys the fuck out of me. That guy tries way too hard, and is way too comfortable in a group date situation. TO me, that's not confidence, that shows apathy. He has a full on bromance going with every guy except for Andrew and how can someone be there for a girl if he's just as complacent as JJ is around all of her other boyfriends? Next.

NICK AND BEEFCAKE CONFRONTATION

Boy did we get to see Cody's roid rage. "Nah man you don't speak. Don't say a thing this ain't how it works where I'm from." Dude chill out. Apparently, all Nick did was joke about how Cody always pines about how he feels "thankful" for being here and that made Cody lose his shit on Nick.

Patrick of course chimes in saying that "arrogance is not a quality a gentleman possesses" and I literally want to donkey punch him in the throat (if you get my Blakely reference you win a hug from me).

This was a hilarious exchange just because of how calm and collected Nick was the whole exchange. His attitude was literally just "yo bro if I offended you I apologize and what you do after I could care less" and that is EXACTLY the attitude any grown up man should have in a situation like this. Roid-rage Beefcake's face was worth watching, because he got sooooo frustrated that Nick didn't start a dick-measuring contest right there. Oh yeah, when Cody asked if Nick thinks he's the frontrunner, he said yes. I love Nick.

ANDI WITH CODY/CHRIS/NICK

Andi's emotional manipulation of Chris was hilarious and pitiful. Chris really needs to stand up for himself at some point, you'd think. Andi was just like "I would expect my husband to tell me everything" and Chris spilled more quickly than the Gulf of Mexico (too soon?).

What bothers me is, Nick literally told her the exact same story that Cody and Chris told her, and she recognized that, but she still doesn't think he's being sincere. What else is he supposed to do? He wasn't downplaying it because he wanted to manipulate you, but because it WAS NOT A BIG DEAL. What the fuck? Is there a bro-code rule that states "thou shalt not insult another bro's gratefulness" ?? I read the Bro Code and it doesn't say that anywhere. Is there another volume I should catch up on?

Andi was being ridiculous with trusting someone as orange as Cody. That's a bad judgement call.

NICK

I have just a little more to say on this. Andi claims that Nick sees right through her, and to me, that's what she should be looking for in a partner. Not somebody that has to decipher her or who she can easily keep secrets from, but someone who can see her for who she is and interact with her based off of that. That's not manipulation, like she is afraid it is. To me, it's clear that this is the best fit for her. But he will probably go home heartbroken, just because some pissy dudes jacked up on roids and adrenaline can't be man enough to accept that another guy might think he has a better shot with a girl than they do. Andi would do good by herself if she stopped getting influenced by the emotions of other guys. Also, Chris didn't even say anything negative about Nick. He just said that the drama happened because of something Nick was involved in, not because Nick is a bad guy. HUGE DIFFERENCE.

I know I know. NEVER GET WITH THE PEOPLE NOBODY GETS ALONG WITH. But Nick gets along with, most everybody. He has a budding bromance with JJ, is on good terms with Marquel, Marcus, Josh and probably Dylan and Brian too. It's just Andrick and Cody that doesn't like him. She's really using the judgements of those guys?

MARQUEL/ANDREW/JJ

JJ is a shit-stirrer. Let's call a spade a spade. He loves drama, feeds off of it and thinks it betters his chances with Andi. There's absolutely no reason he should have brought this to Marquel's attention so late, and especially right before a group date. Given my utter hatred for scum-of-the-earth Andrew, I don't think he used that term. But my heart broke watching Marquel go through that, and he displayed so much class and grace in the way he addressed the problem head on, and once it was over with, just walked away. That was an incredible display of confidence in himself and I totally applaud him for this. 

Group date rose goes to JJ because why not.

Brian Date

Sorry I did not watch this. I'm guilty. This was boring, and the only reason I know he got a rose is because he was still there at the rose ceremony. I gather from the other bloggers that there was a cooking movie and then some actual cooking that the dude really sucked at and Andi got frustrated but then he kissed her and all was right again.

Cocktail Party (or lack thereof)

Andi decides she doesn't need a cocktail party, and I immediately think that Andrick and the Poor Man's Sean is going to get cut. She sends Andrick packing (together, which I think is beautiful because now they can go have crying sex in the limo) and SHE SENDS MARQUEL HOME. Homegirl, what are you doing? Why are you sending Marquel home when Pants and Beefcake are still here? What is happening? 

I actually feel really good about Marquel. He had probably one of the most genuine and gentlemanlike experience on the Bachelor to date. He was true to himself, cordial with the guys and put in an effort to get to know Andi before claiming she was the one. I will gladly get behind #MarquelforBachelor, but there are spoilers that he's in the Bachelors in Paradise cast, which is kind of stupid but at least he'll be on my screen again.

So roses go to:

Josh (one-on-one date rose)

Pantsapreneur (group date rose)

Coach Brian (one-on-one date rose)

Nick 

Marcus

Farmer Chris

Roid-rage Orange Beefcake Cody (there's just so much you can nickname him because of his personality)

Dylan (I really like him but he may be headed out next week unfortunately)

Next week, it's off to Vienna, which is undoubtedly bound to be the second greatest place to fall in love. 

Until then,

I'm Wahid,

and you should be grateful you don't have to see Andrick have gentleman sex

Andi Week 4: Most Valuable Player(s)

Hey you,

I couldn't watch the episode on Monday night because I had a previous engagement, but I am typing this up as I watch Tuesday morning. This week, Andi's gender-swapped harem heads off to New England, which to me isn't as pretty as it looks to be on this show.

They arrive at the hotel and of course, Beefcake Cody is in a muscle shirt and overly-large scarf. This is the best hotel they've ever lived at. It has a Jacuzzi. I mean come ON! A JACUZZI! And what better to do in a jacuzzi than pile on as many guys as you can into it, right?

Andi drops her usual "can't wait to meet the guys because they are so awesome" and we're off.

Dylan Date

Dylan to me is one of those guys that I can see developing very meaningful relationships in real life, but not on this show. You have such limited time to interact that if your guard doesn't come crashing down, you're bound to leave sooner or later.

They go on a steam train which is pretty cool and they kind of just sit around and talk. This is Dylan's backyard and Andi feels that this date is appropriate for him because he's in his element and can better open up. He points out that he actually swam the river that they cross, and obviously that's really cool.

The main conversations take place at dinner, where Andi kind of... forces (?) Dylan to open up. I can't explain in words how much I appreciate the person Andi is. Here's why- she pushed him to talk about himself, but unlike most people, who just rejoice at the fact that the pushing worked, Andi sat there, and listened, to EVERYTHING Dylan had to say. No interruptions, no judgments, she just listened. And after he was done, she comforted him.

She noticed that it is very very important to make it clear that the rose that Dylan was receiving was far from a pity rose, but that he received it because he trusted Andi enough to bare his soul to her, and that she was really grateful that she could be that person for him. 

Andi is just oozing in class at this point, and Dylan is a pretty solid guy who I can see going very far in real life. In the course of this game, not so much. Regardless, at least for the time being, he has a rose, and very deservedly so.

Group Date (Event)

The guys on this date are: Josh, Nick, Chris (I figured out that this is the farmer dude from Iowa), Andrick, JJ, Brian, Marquel, Eric, Tasos and Cody.

Can I just say, the only time I really like Josh is when he's with Andi. Also, JJ is wearing a shirt that says "Jj" and I want to shoot him.

Well the guys learn that they are going to be playing basketball against a WMBA team, and quite frankly, get schooled. There are so many reasons that this season so far has been my favorite season of the Bachelorette so far, and one of them is because it seems as if the producers were just like "say whatever you want we don't care." The team members of basketball team make so much fun of the guys on the court and I am in heaven.

The guys are split into two groups and the group named "Rosebuds" wins, meaning Josh, JJ, Patrick, Chris and Tasos lose. They stew in the locker room over how they played with their hearts and souls and losing isn't fair and blah blah blah,. What's not fair is JJ's hair all sweaty. That is really not a good look.

Another little point to make before I move on to the next section; Josh, when he loses, says that he hates losing and that losing the time with Andi is the worst part about it. JJ says that he doesn't care about the basketball game, but that he really wanted the time with Andi. I'm not really sure which of these I think is more appropriate. Although JJ is not the guy for Andi, at least he seems to be here for her. Josh really only cares about himself, and Andi is almost like a prize to him. I don't know where I'm going with this, just thought that it was worth it to point it out.

Group Date (Cocktail Party)

At the cocktail party, Marquel, Beefcake and Regina George get no time on air. First, Andi drags Eric away and tells him that hteir relationship is not progressing, and he says it is because this situation is a little too formal for his comfort. He wants assurance that the next time they meet it will be more causal, but she firmly says that's impossible, because, yeah, it is impossible for her to give you any kind of assurance this early on. He sorta kinda talks about his family because what else can you do when things are so awkward, and I have a bad feeling about this tonight.

Next, Brian takes her to the court and teaches her some moves. Andi manages to be sexy, slutty, sultry, classy and seductive all at once, and watching her prancing around barefoot in that tastefully tight dress is really doing things for me. She is to date the most gorgeous girl to appear on ANY of these shows (Renee from Juan Pablo's season is a close second), and I thoroughly enjoy her on my screen.

Brian makes an impressive half court shot, but then HE. DOES, NOT. KISS. HER. You idiot. 

Nick and Andi have some time alone too and I continue to really like this dude. He says that every moment spent with Andi is profoundly more interesting than he ever could've imagined, and I actually believe that coming out of his mouth. He wants to do more than side hug Andi, meaning he wants to fondle her breasts squeeze her ass, but can't, because other dudes and awkwardness.

Date rose goes to Brian, which was pretty predictable. Good choice.

Marcus Date

HOW HONESTLY HOW is it possible for Andi to look soooo hot in a sweatshirt is beyond me. 

If you were clever like me, you'd skip the next 15 minutes because how many times have you seen the "trust fall" date? I really did skip it but let me guess: they were both deathly terrified of heights, both were freaking out, they took support from each other and just went for it and they felt great after. Sound about right? Alright let's move on.

Something about Marcus' hair bothers me. Also, him trying to open up is not doing it for me because Dylan already had that covered for this particular week. Oh look, there's an unkown band. Where they dance. Who woulda thunk it.

This was kind of like, blegh? Nothing really happened, he's a catch and he's normal, and that's that. Next.

Cocktail Party

Andi looks great in emerald while she receives a letter. It's a love letter. From a secret admirer. My bet's on Nick.

Tasos asks about HER, which is amazing, because that's what you do in a relationship. He needs a one-on-one so I can gauge where I stand on him already. I can't believe there are still 13 guys left. Production is doing a really good job with highlighting the realness of the guys and only focusing on the ones that Andi actually feels something for.

Brian steals her away, takes her back to the court and kisses Andi, and she sighs from relief because she's been thirsty for him since he made that shot. Andi swoons over his sexiness and she is h-o-r-n-y. 

And now comes the real drama...

ERIC (the dead guy) tells ANDI that he came to date a real person, not a TV actress. Duuuuuude. Not good. Nooooooot good. What? How can she be more real and genuine than what she's been so far??? I am truly truly flabbergasted. You know that there are 12 other guys in this show too right? She can't just say, "Eric you're the one I love let's get married"? There's a show to shoot? A contract to fulfill? She has to restrain her feelings because there's an order to all this.

Look, this isn't real life. Ask Ali Fedotowsky. She had her top 2 on HER FIRST NIGHT, but she had to see it through. Andi has to do the same. And she's trying really really hard to give each guy their own time and build those connections and have those conversations and I am kind of really upset that he thinks she's being fake.

THE REASON ANDI BROKE UP WITH JUAN PABLO, WAS BECAUSE OF HIS POKER FACE. Eric just accused her of doing the thing that she most despises, and to me, it's completely just wrong. I hate to be barking at a person that passed away, but I am really offended by this.

Tribute to Eric

There was one incident that infuriated me, but he was a great guy. He was a really, really good guy. This segment was done well, and they did not dwell that much on Andi. It was more Eric-centered and Andi said really solid things about him and they only have respect from him.

 We find out that they said goodbye to Tasos. Umm, okay. Sure. Because Cody, Andrew and Patrick should totally get those roses.

We are back in two weeks, meaning you can take next Monday off. Until next time,

I'm Wahid,

And you're alive

Andi Week 3: All the Low-lifes

Hey you.

So tonight, Andi's journey for love has officially begun. First destination: Santa Barbara, which is, say it with me, THE PERFECT PLACE TO FALL IN LOVE.

Nick Date

Andi believes that the best way to know someone is through interaction in the real world, and with every single thing that spews out of her mouth I fall a little more in love. I'll admit, I was skeptical of her being the Bachelorette at first, namely because Desiree was my favorite and her stint as the Bachelorette really ruined her for me, and I didn't want the same done to Andi. But so far all she's done has impressed me. 

She picks a bicycling, casualy stroll in the streets kind of date for Nick. Nick, along with Josh, are my two front runners from night 1. (I should mention, I usually end up supporting my first two picks throughout the journey. Examples: Courtney and Emily on Ben's season, Arie and Jef on Emily's season, Shawntel and Chantal on Brad's second season, etc.) 

Nick seems to me like a genuinely skeptical guy, and as I mentioned on Twitter, that is the best possible thing you can expect from one of these contestants. He gives me all the right vibes, especially when in relation to Andi. I think while Josh is "her type," Nick is a little more unsure of himself, a little more coy. But he also has that playful, teasing aspect to him and I just think him and Andi could be giggling at one moment but become completely serious if needed at a moment's notice.

Their dinner conversation goes well and their kiss is like fireworks. Dude's got some game. I'm ready for this couple to work out.

Group Date

Honestly, I don't have any notes (should I take some from next time?) but I think I can take a pretty good guess at which guys were on the date. 

Marcus

Tasos 

Josh 

Andrick (Andrew and Patrick because they love each other and do everything together)

Opera Douche

Orange Beefcake

Marquel

Ron

Eric (*sobs*)

(I think that's it?)

So these guys go prancing on the date and Andi gives her usual spiel about how she "can't wait to spend more time with the guys" because "the guys are infectious and their energy is infectious." They all probably are infectious with some STD or other, but that's neither here nor there. The boys walk up and Andi tells us that she's going to be separating the boys from the men, because they will be singing with Boys II Men.

Every single guy BUTCHERS the song. Let me just say, this would be the worst possible date for me. I know bad singing. THAT IS BAD SINGING. I felt uncomfortable just watching them. I cannot imagine how embarrassing it'd be in their shoes, but most of them handled it with quite a lot of... grace?

Except of course Bradley, Mr. Obviously I'll Get the Group Date Rose because I'm in My Element. (Spoiler: he didn't get the group date rose). If that's how he sings he really should look for a job besides the opera. Yeah, I'm very original with the jabs and digs I make at people. You're welcome.

The group date rose goes to Josh after some face-eating, which was ushered in by some face-eating from Marcus. I can't tell which one is the worse kisser. Let me tell you, they are no Nick (definitely not Arie). Nothing much of interest happens (that's the cocktail party).

JJ Date

I tweeted out "I'll be damned if pantsapreneur comes back with a date rose." I'm damned. But I don't really mind because I'm not completely sure where I stand on him just yet. He's a nice guy and he can be funny but man does he love to talk.

For their date, they dress up and do makeup like old people and Andi still looks hot according to JJ but JJ just looks like a crusty old man and even though that's probably going to be the case for all the guys when they grow old, at least the other guys have the advantage of the world not being aware of that fact.

Their date is very cutesy and they do adorable things like ask people to take pictures of them and it was kind of a cute but sad kind of date because this might be JJ's only date and he doesn't even get to do young-folk things.

He gets a rose which was well deserved after his bullying talk. Did I say talk? Funny, that's what JJ likes to do if you didn't notice. That man can talk.

Rose Ceremony

You know who I love? Andrew. Andrew is my fave. Totes. Possesionista was dead on when she said he was the Regina George. 

At the rose ceremony, JJ is upset by Ron's departure (one of his buds passed away) and says there are things he needs to get off his chest, something which has absolutely no relation to Ron's departure. Is it just me or does Andi's entire season just revolve around death?

JJ wants to confront someone but can only do so with a real man backing him up, so he goes to Josh about Andrew getting a number from some girl at a bar. They go and confront him, and like music to my ears, he drops the "I'm a grown ass man" line. Chris Bukowski jumps for joy knowing he'll have another grown-ass man to talk to, finally.

Andrew denies it, Nick calls BS, Andrew says that Nick, Josh AND JJ are all low lifes that don't deserve Andi's life. He just insulted both my front runners. But he also probably thinks they are so pretty.

Incidentally, Patrick is more hurt by Andrew's betrayal than Andi is. How dare there be a third suitor for Andrew's heart?

Roses go to:

Nick (date rose)
Josh (group date rose)
JJ (date rose)
Orange Beefcake/ Poor Man's Sean 
Andrick (</3?)
Dylan the Survivor
Marcus
Tasos
Marquel
Brian (apparently there's a Brian)
And of course, Mr. Eric Hill, probably the classiest contestant to ever appear on this show. His family has to be proud of him right now.

Opera Douche and Lamp Guy goes home, and everybody is happy that now only half of the remaining contestants suck.

Until next time,

I'm Wahid, and you're awesome

Intro

Hey you.

I think that I've spent enough time watching and tweeting about the Bachelor that my thoughts merit their own blog. Twitter wasn't really doing it, considering I think about 5 things any minute but can only type out 1 of them before another 5 things happen.

If you can relate, but don't want to start your own meticulous blog, then please join in on the comments! Obviously I'm new to this but I swear, I know a lot about these shows. And I'm funny. Honestly.

Alright well I'm going to start reviewing from Andi's mid-season, namely episode 3. Monday is episode 4 so I'm going to try to get the next one up before that happens. 

That was my little introduction. Now onto the good stuff (?).

Until then,

I'm Wahid.