Andi Week 5: Marquel for Bachelor

Hey you,

First of all, I know this is super late and I would just like to say, don't get used to it. I'm almost always going to be posting Monday night/Tuesday morning. This week has just been busy, is all.

Secondly, I have the biggest crush on Andi, and that's maybe blinding me a little to any shortcomings she may have. Some Guy in Austin has mocked my claim that Andi is "most stunning Bachelorette of all time," but I still stand by it, and she grows more and more attractive to me every time she's on my screen. I'm actually kind of jealous of all the guys that get to make out with her. Okay, not kinda, a lot jealous.

Chat with Chris Harrison

Now let's get to the good stuff. At the beginning of the episode, Andi sits down with our host in a turtleneck and discusses, well, basically nothing. It's kind of filler. He does ask her if she's falling in love, to which her reply is, you guessed it, "STAAAAHHHHHP." Again, what may be getting annoying to the audience, I find endearing. It's also something that regular people say in their day-to-day life, so why does it bother viewers again?

Josh Date

Andi takes him to like... a fishing boat? I'm really confused as to why this is considered romantic at all? They stand on the edge for a while pretending to do... something, and then Andi tells Josh that there needs to be something beyond the physical connection. Of course, Josh's response to this is to make out with her some more. With these two, you can FEEL the sexual chemistry, but up to this date, I was unsure if they could be more. Now, I'm pretty sure that it will never get out of that sexual attraction. I like them together, and I don't think Josh is a sleaze like most people do, but I just don't see them being endgame. As in, he's not THE ONE for Andi, at least in my opinion.

Meanwhile, Dylan back home reads the date card, which is a block of white space followed by "<3 Andi." THE GUYS CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THE CARD IS BLANK AND THEY'RE FREAKING OUT, and JJ for some reason thinks there's something written in invisible ink and takes the date card away to his closet to inspect with his special "Pants with Blacklight Capabilities."

Andi and Josh go to picnic near some rocks, which, incidentally, are the perfect place to get to know one of your 11 potential husbands. They basically talk about nothing and make out some more, in typical Joshandi fashion. 

They go to a palace next and the producers obviously are spending more money on Josh than the other dudes because they have THREE places to go instead of the usual two. I see you producers. I see right through you (like Nick does Andi, but more on that later). In this palace, they finally have a semi-substantial conversation. Mostly, it's just Josh mumbling, but from what I gathered, Josh had been cheated on by a girl when he was in baseball, where he got his trust issues from. BUT, that was not the reason he hasn't dated for 5 years, because he had at least one more (probably hundreds more but who's counting) that he said he loved. But to Josh, that word isn't big enough, and he loved her, but not in the "I love you and want to marry you" way. But now, he wont say those words until he means that he wants to have a family, and he feels that Andi may be that girl for him.

Andi's words are obviously more clear and concise, in which she explains that while around all the other guys she helps them get their guards down, but around Josh her own guard is up. I think there's a definitive reason that this is, but Andi is ignoring the red flags and they may come back to bite her in the ass. She gives him the rose, and then they dance at a concert.

Let the records show, I have never, EVER, watched one of these private dance sequences. Just because the producers want us to gauge into their intimacy doesn'r mean I have to. That was a lot of writing dedicated to a date I was only semi-interested in.

Group Date

I'm going to do this in sub-sections because there is a lot I have to say about this group date.

MIMING
This was ridiculous, but I was glad the guys went with the flow. That being said, I think Andi was completely wrong to judge Nick for not being into it. I mean, why would you want a guy to be comfortable around your other suitors? That means he's okay with sharing you!! Guys like JJ are not right for you because there. is. no. jealousy!! GAH.

Marquel really impressed me. He was a really good sport, interacted with the crowd and all that good stuff. Marcus was a standout as well just because he wasn't being all goopy and was kind of normal.

JJ

Him and Andi are cute, but he annoys the fuck out of me. That guy tries way too hard, and is way too comfortable in a group date situation. TO me, that's not confidence, that shows apathy. He has a full on bromance going with every guy except for Andrew and how can someone be there for a girl if he's just as complacent as JJ is around all of her other boyfriends? Next.

NICK AND BEEFCAKE CONFRONTATION

Boy did we get to see Cody's roid rage. "Nah man you don't speak. Don't say a thing this ain't how it works where I'm from." Dude chill out. Apparently, all Nick did was joke about how Cody always pines about how he feels "thankful" for being here and that made Cody lose his shit on Nick.

Patrick of course chimes in saying that "arrogance is not a quality a gentleman possesses" and I literally want to donkey punch him in the throat (if you get my Blakely reference you win a hug from me).

This was a hilarious exchange just because of how calm and collected Nick was the whole exchange. His attitude was literally just "yo bro if I offended you I apologize and what you do after I could care less" and that is EXACTLY the attitude any grown up man should have in a situation like this. Roid-rage Beefcake's face was worth watching, because he got sooooo frustrated that Nick didn't start a dick-measuring contest right there. Oh yeah, when Cody asked if Nick thinks he's the frontrunner, he said yes. I love Nick.

ANDI WITH CODY/CHRIS/NICK

Andi's emotional manipulation of Chris was hilarious and pitiful. Chris really needs to stand up for himself at some point, you'd think. Andi was just like "I would expect my husband to tell me everything" and Chris spilled more quickly than the Gulf of Mexico (too soon?).

What bothers me is, Nick literally told her the exact same story that Cody and Chris told her, and she recognized that, but she still doesn't think he's being sincere. What else is he supposed to do? He wasn't downplaying it because he wanted to manipulate you, but because it WAS NOT A BIG DEAL. What the fuck? Is there a bro-code rule that states "thou shalt not insult another bro's gratefulness" ?? I read the Bro Code and it doesn't say that anywhere. Is there another volume I should catch up on?

Andi was being ridiculous with trusting someone as orange as Cody. That's a bad judgement call.

NICK

I have just a little more to say on this. Andi claims that Nick sees right through her, and to me, that's what she should be looking for in a partner. Not somebody that has to decipher her or who she can easily keep secrets from, but someone who can see her for who she is and interact with her based off of that. That's not manipulation, like she is afraid it is. To me, it's clear that this is the best fit for her. But he will probably go home heartbroken, just because some pissy dudes jacked up on roids and adrenaline can't be man enough to accept that another guy might think he has a better shot with a girl than they do. Andi would do good by herself if she stopped getting influenced by the emotions of other guys. Also, Chris didn't even say anything negative about Nick. He just said that the drama happened because of something Nick was involved in, not because Nick is a bad guy. HUGE DIFFERENCE.

I know I know. NEVER GET WITH THE PEOPLE NOBODY GETS ALONG WITH. But Nick gets along with, most everybody. He has a budding bromance with JJ, is on good terms with Marquel, Marcus, Josh and probably Dylan and Brian too. It's just Andrick and Cody that doesn't like him. She's really using the judgements of those guys?

MARQUEL/ANDREW/JJ

JJ is a shit-stirrer. Let's call a spade a spade. He loves drama, feeds off of it and thinks it betters his chances with Andi. There's absolutely no reason he should have brought this to Marquel's attention so late, and especially right before a group date. Given my utter hatred for scum-of-the-earth Andrew, I don't think he used that term. But my heart broke watching Marquel go through that, and he displayed so much class and grace in the way he addressed the problem head on, and once it was over with, just walked away. That was an incredible display of confidence in himself and I totally applaud him for this. 

Group date rose goes to JJ because why not.

Brian Date

Sorry I did not watch this. I'm guilty. This was boring, and the only reason I know he got a rose is because he was still there at the rose ceremony. I gather from the other bloggers that there was a cooking movie and then some actual cooking that the dude really sucked at and Andi got frustrated but then he kissed her and all was right again.

Cocktail Party (or lack thereof)

Andi decides she doesn't need a cocktail party, and I immediately think that Andrick and the Poor Man's Sean is going to get cut. She sends Andrick packing (together, which I think is beautiful because now they can go have crying sex in the limo) and SHE SENDS MARQUEL HOME. Homegirl, what are you doing? Why are you sending Marquel home when Pants and Beefcake are still here? What is happening? 

I actually feel really good about Marquel. He had probably one of the most genuine and gentlemanlike experience on the Bachelor to date. He was true to himself, cordial with the guys and put in an effort to get to know Andi before claiming she was the one. I will gladly get behind #MarquelforBachelor, but there are spoilers that he's in the Bachelors in Paradise cast, which is kind of stupid but at least he'll be on my screen again.

So roses go to:

Josh (one-on-one date rose)

Pantsapreneur (group date rose)

Coach Brian (one-on-one date rose)

Nick 

Marcus

Farmer Chris

Roid-rage Orange Beefcake Cody (there's just so much you can nickname him because of his personality)

Dylan (I really like him but he may be headed out next week unfortunately)

Next week, it's off to Vienna, which is undoubtedly bound to be the second greatest place to fall in love. 

Until then,

I'm Wahid,

and you should be grateful you don't have to see Andrick have gentleman sex